You and your sister have inherited a house from your deceased aunt Betsy. This house is a valuable piece of real estate. To get a better idea of the property’s worth, once it is sold it will likely fetch a nice monetary return in the neighborhood of $12 million. The only problem is that you live in Indiana and your sister stays in Texas, but the property is in California. You decide to leave the property management and details for your more reliable sister to handle. Your sister decides to allow a friend from California to live there and manage the house. Fast forward 9 months down the road when you receive a notice from the law offices of Bernstein and Mendenhall. Unbeknownst to you, your sister’s friend from California was having parties every weekend at your California mansion.  And at one of those parties, a person got drunk, slipped on a loose tile, and cracked their skull on your premises resulting in immediate death. The lawyers sent the letter stating that you and your sister were being sued by the family of the deceased partygoer in the amount of $13 million dollars claiming there was negligence of the property owner for leaving this tile unfixed, thus causing the death of said partygoer. You and your sister auction the home losing everything.

 

Does this sound tragic? Not even. This scenario is a stretch, but many people trust something much more valuable than a piece of property to loose associates that eventually squander it away. What I am referring to is a new boyfriend caring about, abusing, and often killing your child. Do a google search of “boyfriend killing mother’s child” and see a number of heart-wrenching stories you run across year after year. In the aftermath of some of these high-profile deaths of children at the hands of mom’s new boyfriend, various transcripts can be seen with the gist of the abusing boyfriend’s rationale being “I was only trying to show the Lil’ fellow how to be a man.” Unless you are trained to read into the psyche or fully know the background of the new boyfriend’s upbringing, who knows what “showing him how to be a man” encompasses. Sexual abuse and/or corporal punishment may have been a part of a new boyfriend’s history that is not so apparent on the surface. It may be typical to single out the mother for bringing a dangerous individual around her child. UrbanElect does not do typically. Instead, I will look at the fathers out there and address their role in this travesty.  I want this article to act as a set of eyes piercing through every father’s pupils, holding each man accountable for the prosperity and well-being of his child. I will give 3 messages of advice in regards to avoiding being a father of an abused child at the hands of some gutless boyfriend. As stated, this is directed at men, but you ladies can read and take heed to the overall message.

FATHERS:

1) You must remain active in your child’s life

Just because you are no longer with the mother of your child, this does not sever ties between you and your child. This premise goes well beyond the scope of this writing. A father needs to be in his child’s life regardless of the obstacles or “potential new boyfriend.” I do not adhere to the notion that only a woman is needed to raise a child. Personally, I have no idea the type of man I would have developed into had my father not been around. A father is needed. Moreover, when a man is active in his son’s or daughter’s life, there appears to be less of a need for a secondary disciplinarian father figure to step in and fill a void.

Being active with your child circumferences physical, emotional, spiritual, and verbal engagement. A father with such a level of involvement with his child will hear or notice, the presence of abuse from the hands of a boyfriend much faster in comparison to an absentee father. The more active a father is in his child’s life, the increased likelihood his family will be more active and involved in the child’s life. So conversely, the relationship that a father has with his child can inspire the flow of information not only directly to the father, but also to a wider network of people. The greater the number of people involved in the upbringing of a child, the better the chances are that someone of capable sense will show wise judgment and alert the proper officials.

I do not want to hear about how your child’s mother will not allow you to see your child. I have seen many of men go ballistic when their respective bosses told them that their weekly paycheck would not be cut. Fathers that claim their parental rights are being infringed upon needs to show the same level of passion and inquisitiveness when it comes down to their offspring as they would with a weekly paycheck. Each state has a legal process for parents seeking methods of securing his or her parental rights. 

 

2) An Active Father Shows Repercussion for a Reckless Boyfriend

There are some men that step up and substitute or stand in as an additional supportive stepfather for a child. However, we are seeing too often some men take the role of parenting well pass the point of being humane. The adage of “when the cat is away, the mice will play” holds suit when another male figure is not around to act as guardian when dealing with some cowardly boyfriends. This male figure does not necessarily mean an ex-mate. A male guardian could also be a neighbor, father, brother, uncle, or grandfather. However, an ex-mate appears to be a vested person of interest that could potentially, based off of age and physical wherewithal, pose a threat and stand as an obstacle for an abusive new man entering into the picture. If the mother of the child is intimidated by her boyfriend, the ex-mate can pose as a potential level of repercussion for an abusive newcomer. I also recognize that it could also play out the opposite way, in which the new boyfriend signals repercussions for an abusive ex-mate. But for the purpose of this writing, the attention is placed on an abusive new person in the child’s life and the manner in which the father can put a halt to that crime.

 

3) You Must Have an Open and Active Line of Communication with Your Child’s Mother and other Man

I understand that men may want to retain a claim on their child’s mother even when they have seemingly moved on with their respective lives. That is a selfish perspective that I neither respect nor support. However, a father must establish a healthy line of communication with his child’s mother in regards to the man that she plans to bring around your child. Once the mother of your child is ready to introduce a new man into your child’s life, it is imperative for you to talk with that man (the new boyfriend/mate) in order to gauge his temperament. You should have already established disciplinary and chastising ground-rules with your child’s mother in regard to new parties entering into the screen.  The conversation that you will have with her new person should only be to reconfirm or fortify those already established edicts. Furthermore, this cannot be done unless you are active in the child’s life while remaining in good standing.

The picture associated with this blog is that of alleged/ or confirmed murders next to there little innocent vitims. This is something that happens all too frequently for us men to silently accept. You cannot expect for a mother to commit to a life of celibacy, but proper vetting of these boyfriends needs to be conducted.  And as a father of a child when you are no longer with the mother, you need to be in the mix of this paternal investigation.   

This conversation with her new mate is not meant to be like the one that played out in the movie “Baby Boy.” You should envision the dialogue as one being between two adults where the care and welfare of the child are the main and only topics. Please do not go into the personal dealings of your ex-mate involvement with this new guy. That is neither your business nor is it any of your concern.  As long as there are no abuse or safety issues, your focus has to be strictly on your child.

No matter what course of action you take, a father must be an active participant in his child’s life and caretaking. Otherwise, your neglect is just as abusive as the cowardly boyfriend that recklessly plays the role of “Daddy Dearest” because you happen to be M.I.A.